everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
