I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
