a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
