She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
