I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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