wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
