i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
