Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
