I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
