I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize