She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
