I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
There's even glitter on my cock...
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