it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
