i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
