The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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