I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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