What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
