you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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