sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
