Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We got so high we made milksteak
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
