Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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