So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
