I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize