Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I need help removing her.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
