If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Randomize
