my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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