oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
