Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
