Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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