I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Randomize