he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
