You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize