Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
