Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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