My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
wanna go halves on a baby?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
