how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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