Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
