DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
