Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i dont even know how to be here
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I need moral support for this bender
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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