Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
