is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
