Have you finally orgasmed yet?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize