Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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