..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
