I think my fart just growled at me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize