I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
And then he peed in my hair
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
