i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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