mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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