why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
