i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
