look no pants
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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