Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
