i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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