I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
