I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
