I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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