i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
