Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
