we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
