I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
