i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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