So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
