I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
