So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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