listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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