i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
