It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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