We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Randomize
