We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
