Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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