did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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