he puts the penis in happiness.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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