It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
