my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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