she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
