I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize