On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
