a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sorry about my life...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
