Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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