he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
