Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i dont even know how to be here
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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