The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
